Crying At Funerals

n the ancient district of Fujian in China, there was a funeral for an
old man. His daughter-in-law for some reasons laughed at his funeral
and was immediately divorced from his son foe her infraction. She was
sent back to her family by a “roofless palanquin” as it was a custom to
sent divorced women home. When the woman reached home, her sister felt
humiliated and thought of an idea. She wanted the palanquin porters to
send her to her brother-in-law’s home.

On her way, she got a paper bag from a grocery store and she covered
her head with it. When she reached her brother-in-law’s home, she cried
and shouted “father of my brother-in-law, father-in-law of my sister”
while walking inside. All the attendants of the funerals laughed at her
strange behaviour. She then removed the paper bag and asked them why
they could laugh in the funeral while her sister was cut off for doing
the same?

Eventually, her brother-in-law knew they were wrong and fetched her
sister home with a palenquin carried by four porters. This story tells
us that no laughing is permitted at funerals. (Story narrated by Wen Hua
(溫華), 77, from Taiping)

Traditional Chinese funerals should look sad. Sad means you need to
cry. Therefore, crying is a must at traditional funerals. In ancient
books like Classic of Rites and Yili (Etiquette and
Ceremony), there are many records of “crying” at funerals. Of course,
those ancient ways of crying might not be applicable in today’s society.

Before the 1980s, we could still see mourning relatives crying at
funerals but such scenes are rare today. Society is changing all the
time. The people’s views are changing under the influences of modern
thinking and religions. They are not familiar with their cultures and
they are no longer close to their families. Younger generations do not
care much about their elders while they are alive and when the elders
pass away, they do not feel the pain or sadness. People nowadays care
only about their own lives.

I have attended many funerals in recent years and I found that many
relatives were in fact talking cheerfully and joking. Some priests made
the mourning relatives laughed during the ceremony with their humour.
People can now accept laughing at funerals. It is unbelievable that our
funeral has actually been changed from “crying” to “laughing”.

I don’t think that mourning relatives should cry during funerals the
way recorded in those ancient books, but I don’t agree that we can laugh
in funerals either. Ancient funerals required mourning relatives to
cry, which turned out to be odd as some recruited “professional mourning
relatives” to cry at funerals. It is not necessary to cry when our
loved ones pass away, but please do not laugh. Take it seriously. If you
really feel sad, then cry naturally. You will give comfort to the dead
if they know you are actually crying for them. Christians do better
during solemn funerals as pastors keep solemn when presiding over the
ceremony while mourning relatives take it seriously, making the whole
ceremony solemn and serious! 

(By LI YONG QIU (李永球)/ Translated bySOONG PHUI JEE/ Sin Chew Daily)